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MotoGP Updates From Laguna

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  • MotoGP Updates From Laguna

    1. PortaKleen Maintenance contract awarded to Kawasaki.
    2. Elena Myers disqualified from 4th place AMA SuperSport finish. Opponents cite unfair aerodynamic advantage of Meyers' ponytail.
    3. Shower truck in turn 9, 10, 11 campsites broken this morning. Fans resort to standing at the bottom of the corkscrew to be showered with Casey Stoner's tears instead.
    4. Law enforcement unusually lax this year..Sheriffs declining to enforce any laws except at campsites with stripper poles. Shirtless fat men were also cited.
    5. Lorenzo, feeling jealous of all the attention lavished onto injured opponent Valentino Rossi, drops race bike onto his own foot and wails loudly in the paddock. His mommy, appearing visibly embarrassed, was not available for comment.
    6. Four Vampires and one prospect were present at this year's GP races. Highest attendance since 2006.
    Last edited by antipathy; 07-26-2010, 12:07 PM. Reason: fixed formatting

  • #2
    Final Wrap:
    1. Valentino Rossi declared winner by national anthem control switch operator during awards ceremony.
    2. Pedrosa-robot suspected of installing jailbroken Laguna app onto his new iPhone. Steve Jobs deactivates it remotely with firmware update and forced re-start. PedroBot voids warranty and subsequently crashes in Turn 5.
    3. Turn 9 campsite breakfast orders need to be placed 12 hours in advance via text message next year.
    4. Lorenzo now referred to as "Moon Unit." His big red t-shirt cannon also prematurely ejaculated in the paddock multiple times. Colin Edwards saves the day with NOS enhanced propellant canister. Casey Stoner wept.
    5. Child Protective Services interviewed Casey Stoner's wife to ensure she was in the country legally and were satisfied with her monosyllabic responses.
    6. Monterey Bay aquarium sunfish accurately predicts MotoGP winner by eating a squid with a red X cut into it. Ben Spies fans call in death threats to the aquarium. Sunfish was not available for comment.
    7. Nicky Hayden returns from Europe with a fashionable new haircut and the ability to correctly pronounce "croissant." Members of Nicky's own clan fail to recognize him as one of their own and attempt to bite him. Jaws of Life required to remove Roger Hayden's death grip from Nicky's ankle. No arrests were made.

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    • #3
      hahahaaa! Sunfish doesn't exist at the Aquarium. Nice try though. :-P
      sigpic

      Originally posted by epim
      Vampires MC. We ride motorcycles. We ride motorcycles fast. We're a family. We know where to hide the bodies.
      The_grinch: "Yes, I love colic and rectal thermometry."

      Comment


      • #4
        Post-update Update:
        1. GP Fans boycott lame aquarium until psychic sunfish returns to the tank.
        2. Spies fans phone in death threats to VMC forum member 'samatye.'
        2. Sudden disappearance of sunfish blamed on Rossi conspiracy and Lorenzo Lunar Landing.
        3. The spirit of celebrated television painter Bob Ross is scheduled to announce the 2011 electric motorcycle races at Laguna Seca. Of particular interest to painting and motorcycle fans alike is Ross' anticipated reference to the electric bikes as, "happy little motorcycles, whispering down the corkscrew." A portrait of these motorcycles is also expected to be sold on ebay to benefit the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society charity.

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        • #5
          In other related news:

          Mazda Raceway Laguna Seca has officially changed the the name of "the Corkscrew" to "the Carousel".

          Independent public polls show that despite SCRAMP's efforts to keep the ambient temperature under 85 degrees, allow reasonably quick access to and from the facility, providing big screen televisions, relaxing the police presence, providing a greater number of food vendors, and having evening campground entertainment, people are still claiming that they will "never return". Most common reasons for their unhappyness are now:

          10) "not enough respect given to Ducati"

          9) "not enough Jorge Lorenzo fans yet, only twice as many as Rossi now has"

          8) "OMG, there is like, dirt, and stuff!"

          7) "how can I be expected to figure out how to get in and out of this damn facilty when they only send me a map and instructions with my tickets, and there are only signs directing me every ten feet?"

          6) "Adriana Stoner didn't show her tits, again"

          5) "embarassment at accidentally rooting for Pedrosa and booing Dovizioso"

          4) "weather too cold"

          3) "pre-race predictions of a Hayden, Spies, Edwards podium still not coming true"

          2) "can't hear the announcers over the loud motorcycles/can't figure out what is going on"

          1) "Harley-Davidson didn't win"
          "We want to be free. We want to be free to do what we want to do. We want to be free to ride. And we want to be free to ride our machines without getting hassled by The Man. And we want to get loaded."

          "I can't promise you sticking your dick in a diamondback's mouth and zapping it with a cattle prod *will* get your pecker bitten, but I can promise you it's a BAD FUCKING IDEA" -Rotten

          "Guns, stolen motorcycles, and dead hookers tend to attract a lot of attention"

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          • #6
            HARLEY! Ha! I'm sooooo glad I didn't hear THAT word all weekend...
            sigpic

            Originally posted by epim
            Vampires MC. We ride motorcycles. We ride motorcycles fast. We're a family. We know where to hide the bodies.
            The_grinch: "Yes, I love colic and rectal thermometry."

            Comment


            • #7
              Alicia, you're awesome.
              Prospect, stop sucking the joy out of this thread.
              "I love Satan and speedmetal" - Dylan

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